Just Another Grad School Rant

Standard

So after two long weeks of not so patiently waiting for a response to my 4th and final submission of work for my semester, I open up my inbox and  was excited to see that long awaited email… but after the reading the first line, my excitement quickly turned to WTF:

I've re-read your work a few times now, and it really is not up to the 
measure of what I asked from you.

The email went on about how she doesnt know how to respond to my work because she doesn’t think I am working as hard as I could be… Okay, so I only turned in half a new story… but I also had to turn in a reworked craft essay and revisions for another story, totaling over 30 pages of writing, not to mention a detailed reflection as well as an early topic proposal/brainstorm for my graduating seminar…

I assumed I would complete my story in time for manuscript swaps in a couple weeks…why? Because in this program we go for two years straight, no chaser… No month off between the semesters, no 3 months off in the summer…

(and this is after coming to the even harder decision to NOT take a leave of absence seeing as though I have one semester left and taking time off now would not turn out to be what I expected it to be.)  I figure I’ll find a way to be better disciplined and just knock everything out.

I realize she is just trying to push me, but really?  I know what I need to fucking do.  I also know that writing is my lifelong art, not something I expect to jump out of grad school, flip a switch and get amazing at, I know that there are gonna be times ( like when my son is a bit older, when I am working at a job that allows me to actually pay rent on time and not need to be on food stamps), that I will have more time and a more settled brain to expand and reach my potential.

I am more than aware that I need to spend more time writing, but I am also not so arrogant as to ignore the fact that being a writer (especially for a working class woman of color) is an activity of leisure,  and one that requires resources like childcare, extended family, money, prepared food, and most importantly Time.  Unfortunately for me, its an activity I can’t live without.  Just making the jump to pursue an MFA was already proving a lot…to the Arab American community, my family, friends, and myself…

but obviously that is not enough…Time or no Time, Ima need to get badass.

…. with my keyboard

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